Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Where is the love?

1 dpo with intralipids

I think the thing  I am most shocked about during this entire infertility "journey" is how other people, namely my own friends and family, have reacted to it.  Some haven't even reacted, they choose to ignore it.  Maybe they don't know what to say, maybe they don't care about me, but it's baffling, nonetheless.

My 24 year old, punk ass, drop-out brother tells me that I just need to get on with my life.  He says he loves me and wants to see me happy and that I should "just adopt".  Oh!  I hadn't thought of that!  I should get online and order a baby...good idea!

My relationship with my mother is basically non-existent.  She is a narcissistic predator who couldn't care less about anyone.  But she knows about my struggle and does not say one thing to me about it.  In true narcissistic fashion, she has four kids, so who cares?  I even called her (which NEVER happends...blech.) and told her about the immune results because, at first, it looked like a Lupus dx and she has had some of the issues they asked me about.  She acted concerned for me for about 26 seconds and then launched in to this long, bullshit diatribe about how great her health is and blah,blah,blah.  Like I said, typical narcissist, aka Wizard of Lies. 

My pseudo-mother is the person closest to me and even she doesn't give a shit.  Sure, she'll ask me about it, but I have about a minute and a half to say what I need to before she either a) compares something I say to someone or something totally unrelated, or b) starts talking about her own daughter and her amazing will twins and how great they are, what funny thing they did, how many shits they took today, etc.  It's really great.

My dad hasn't said a single word about it.  He is a head case.  We talked on the day I was in the emergency room having a miscarriage and made this big production to others about my whole immune dx, but he doesn't say a single word to me, doesn't ask how I'm doing, and now, doesn't even talk to me...not because I've done something wrong, but because I'm sure he, like others, don't know what to say.

My best friend says nothing.  She'll listen if and when we actually talk.  Her phone calls got mysteriously less and less frequent when I got the "unexplained infertility" brand. She's not married, lives with her parents, and doesn't want kids, so I can understand why she wouldn't care, but it's still F'd up.  I mean, I am married, I don't live with my parents, and I do want children and somehow I'm able to be interested in her life, problems, feelings, etc.  She didn't even send me flowers or check on me when I did have the miscarriage. 

Other close friends say nothing.  There are several that know the situation in detail and don't care.  Why?  Because they have their own children and their own pregnancies to worry about.  They're the ones who give the great advice like "just have more sex", "just get IVF", "relax and don't think about it" and other priceless gems of sympathy and guidance. 

At this point, I almost wish something bad on some of these things.  I know that sounds gross and evil, but it's true.  I don't wish them harm or for anything life-threatening to come their way, but some kind of real struggle so they could get an ounce of perspective.  I mean, Jesus Christ, I don't understand how people can be so self-absorbed. 

Here's a taste of a text convo I've recently had with a friend:
Friend: "Are u mad at me?"
Me: "No."
Friend:  "How's the baby thing going?"
Me:  "Uh, the baby thing is not going as I am not yet pregnant."
Friend:  "Aw, sorry dude.  Can you come by and see the baby this week?"

And so the "conversation" goes.  Appalling.  I'm about to snap though.  I am about to send every person I know a master fuck-off letter, explaining their cruelty and selfishness and then I'm going to be done with it.  I don't care if I only have my husband at the end of all of this.  I know I won't because the infertility girls are becoming the only people I care to talk to, but besides that, it's been said that you know who your friends are when times get tough and well, I obviously don't know who my friends are. 

Good article from LA Times:,0,470341.story

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