I will start by saying that I borrowed this concept, partly from Oprah and partly from another terrific blog I follow. It's a work in progress...
I know I'm negative, discouraged, angry, bitter, jealous, sad, depressed, and overal pessimistic at times, but I don't want to be. So this is my attempt to let the sun shine in just a little bit.
100 things I like/love/am thankful for:
1. Jason. He is the love of my life and my best friend. 5 years and I love him more every day, even when he's snoring.
2. My aunt K. She is a mother, best friend, sister, everything. There is no way I would still be walking on this earth without her.
3. The twins. Even though I am so jealous I could bite through my own lip, they are so sweet and happy, they have renewed my desire to have baby(ies).
4. My friends. While none of them, not a single one, are remotely near the situation I find myself in, they are great, have been there through much shit, and probably always will be.
5. The mornings. Mornings, you are not the same without my friend java, hot, creamy and lovely, but you are where I share my secrets, my tears, my discoveries and my heart. We used to not be friends, but now I look forward to seeing you everyday.
6. Sweet potatoes, watermelon, pineapple, and broccoli. Thank god they're high alkaline.
7. My bed. I sleep well in it.
8. The blogging network I've discovered through this struggle, I truly cannot imagine what I would do without these women I do not even know.
9. Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue. I can't shop for baby clothes, I can't paint the nursery, but I can still smell pretty.
10. Lemons. Thank god for you, you make my Super Foods grassy, disgusting formula taste like something I can bear. (kind of)
11. A predictable ovulation and menstruation schedule. After delving into the vast enigma that is the infertility community, I see that I am so incredibly lucky to have a cycle that works and a system that isn't covered in cysts, endo, or anything else. I am so thankful for this.
12. Nursing school. I am thankful that I had the courage to ease in to this new chapter in life and I'm thankful I can afford it.
13. As I walked past 60 doctors offices on my way to my RE's, I looked at each one and was thankful I wasn't visiting them (craniofacial surgery centers, cardiologists, rheumatologists)
14. The black heels peep-toe 4" heels I found in my closet and wore today. I got compliments and I needed them.
15. My new fertility support group. They are facebooking, emailing ninjas and I love it.
16. Dr. Carolyn Coulam. Who knows how or why she has time to respond to the thousands of women who, quite possibly, ask the same exact question thousands of times a day, but she does. It's nice to have a doctor who isn't making a penny off of you respond to your fears and questions.
17. Sprinkles vegan red velvet cupcakes. They are so not on my diet, but it was nice to have one on my birthday and not completely wreck what I have going on.
18. Spring Break. Ok, I know it sounds '94, but I get a week out of school, so I'm ok with it.
19. Shoes. I have decided that when one of my friends, or someone I even remotely know, gets pregnant, I buy a new pair of shoes. If I'm gonna be barren, at least I'll look good.
20. Sprouts. When you can't eat 90% of most food out there, it's nice to have a place to go where most of the food is real and won't send my immune system/fertility system into shock.
21. Pea protein powder. AHA! A vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, wheat-free, dairy-free, certified organic, non-GMO, 100% natural protein supplement. Thank you, Jesus.
22. Emily Haines. She is my musical hero.
23. Bethenny Frankl. We are best friends in my head.
24. Free thinkers. It's not often I run in to them at-random, but I met a new friend, Rico, today. I will most likely stop by and bitch with him on a weekly basis.
25. My car. I love it. It's the car I have wanted for so long. It gives me no problems and it is so cute.
26. Good bedding. I bought new bedding from West Elm and I now have the bedroom I've always wanted.
27. Orchids. My husband brought me a huge white and fushia one yesterday and I love love love love it. It changes the entire look of the room.
28. Extra $$. It seems like we have had so many opportunities to make extra money lately. Like, a good amount. So, I have to give thanks for that.
29. I am so thankful my husband doesn't have lymphoma. I would be lost without him.
30. David Sedaris-live, in print or on cd. That man is hilarious, crazy, evil and my absolute favorite.
31. Mary. She is a drug addict, a prostitute, and a liar who is, conveniently enough, fertile and sexually active which may just allow me to have my very own baby.
32. James. Sweet little tiny James, who I have never laid eyes on, but who I already adore so very much. We have family, friends, doctors, lawyers, case workers, and agencies all working to get him here. If we can pull this off, it will be the single best day in my life. I am sitting on go to get a nursery, adorable clothes, our home and cameras ready just for little tiny James.