Monday, March 14, 2011

A new kind of patience

So my intralipids have been ordered and should arrive on Friday.  (PS I love when people tell you when something "should" arrive or that someone "should" be contacting you.  Um, can you let me know when they will "certainly" call, arrive, etc?  Thanks.)  I don't know why I'm looking forward to that date, maybe just because I am ready to get started.  We only ceased the feverish trying for one month but it seems like years.  And I am really ready to see a positive pregnancy test-even if it doesn't last, I would like to know that I am actually capable of getting a little line.  Ok, I'm lying, I want it to last, of course, but I am prepared at this point for miscarriage.  I'm sure it's going to take some time, maybe a few months, to get my system acclimated.  I would really like to just know that THIS is the answer and that we're actually on to something with the intralipids, even if it doesn't mean I get an infant on the first try. 

Speaking of infant, my friend Lauren is having one.  Right now.  Right this very minute.  As an extra little kick in the stomach, she and I were going to be two weeks apart, so I would be in major preparation, anticipation, excitement mode right now.  But, alas, I am not.  Well, maybe all of those things, but just for a needle to be jammed in to my vein pumping well-centerfuged fat into them.  Heh. 

I'm on "Spring Break" this week, which is laughable.  After being out of school for almost 10 years, I find it so sad that I have a spring break.  I'm actually a little bored.  Sure, I have tons I need to do, but can't get motivated.  Although, I did scrub my house in anticipation of a total stranger being here to administer the IL, didn't want to scare them off. 

After a long battle with my doctor's office, I deserve a little spring break anyway.  They were such assholes about the whole thing.  And who has 1700 patients and one nurse?  You have to leave a message and she returns your call between 4-5pm.  4-5pm only.  "Messages left after 4pm will be returned the following business day".  Between 4-5pm.  Heaven forbid you miss her call back, you're looking at a 2-3 day response time.  And given that the doctor is only in the office 3 days a week, it's a real pain in the ass.  I fought back though, after hearing he was going to administer IL at ovulation.  I knew that wouldn't work for me, considering I have had 3 doctors tell me that my problem lies in the implantation stage.  If I did the intrilipids at ovulation (day 13), I'm looking at day 20 until they take effect, right around the crucial start of possible implantation, which is just cute if you go by that idiot's timeline.  So, I told her I wasn't comfortable and said I wanted to infuse on CD5 or 6.  After 4 days of waiting, she called me back to tell me that he would allow it, but not without adding a shitty little comment like only a doctor can: "as long as you know that if you don't get pregnant, it could be because you didn't follow medical advice".  Really?  Because "medical advice" was actually you infusing at $700 a session, then charging me an extra $600 for an IUI I don't need, then infusing again and again and again until it (hopefully) worked.  Thanks, but I'll do it my way.

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