Friday, February 25, 2011

Clinically Mentally

I'm wondering whether or not thinking about being infertile all day, in combination with dreaming about thinking/talking about it at night, along with dreaming about other people's fresh new little infants, makes me 100% certifiably mentally insane.  Seriously.  My entire night's sleep, or so it seemed, was consumed with infertile thoughts and conversations I had to have with people about "The Wrath".  Then, one of my friends from elementary school appears out of no where with her precious new baby boy.  I later wake up and have these same thoughts, experience these same emotions (lust, hatred, despair, jealousy, know, the standards), only to now look forward to sleeping on them? 

I'm discouraged, to say the least.  I know I need to try and keep my mind off of it, stay off of the internet (for Christ's sake), and try to limit my researching, but it's an obsession.  One like I've never had before.  For now, I need to rely on the relaxation of ACP and hope that the diet doesn't drive me further in to insanity.  A gluten free diet can't hurt though.  While I am a vegetarian, I've been consuming nothing but refined sugars, genetically engineered foods, dairy, wheat, and soy for years, so hopefully it will help.  Plus, we're taking a 3 month break from TTC (stressful because my 32 birthday is next month!!)  so I'm hoping for results this summer.

Until then, trying to keep a clear head but presently doing a terrible job at it. 

Contemplating visiting SIRM for new bloodwork and see what they're offering?

There I go again...

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