Everyone is pregnant, everywhere I look. Good God. Walmart, every TV commercial, Natalie Portman as I watch the Oscars. Today, while walking in to my house, the people down the street were bringing their baby home from the hospital! Geez.
The saddest part for me, besides facing the rest of my life without ever being pregnant again, is that I would be 8 months pregnant right now, making final preparations, excited and nervous aboud L&D. But I'm not. So I don't want to be around anyone with a baby, who may be pregnant with a baby, I don't even want to smell a baby right now. I'm 32 and can't, so I can't have it in my face right now.
I have, however, been reading several books that have somewhat comforted me in my decision not to pursue ART's at this time. Making Babies by Dr. Sami S. David and Hill Blakeway, LAc is particularly interesting because it's a doctor, the first to perform an IVF in New York, in fact, who actually speaks against Western medicine, their one-size-fits-all approach and how women are flooded with injections and infusions without giving any real attention to their symptoms or results. The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis, PhD really changed by view on everything IVF/IUI. She's the reason I am taking a completely different approach and also the reason that, if by some amazing, unbelievable, bring-me-to-my-knees chance that I am able to concieve, carry, and deliver a healthy baby, I will write the longest F off letter to one "Dr." P.
Another interesting development: I wrote in to Dr. S on the SIRM board about my test results and he replied that since I don't seem to have any physiological issues, an infusion at ET and again once HCG doubles should do the trick. Dr. P said that I would have to have them for the first 4-5 months of pregnancy. Never fails. (Well, actually, when it comes to my egg implanting, it does.)
After my first weekend of dieting and some miserable moments of cravings, feelings of starvation, despair, disgust and nausea, I think I'm going to live. Tomorrow I rejoin the land of the living. Nursing school, the law firm, and everything else should keep me pretty busy.
I have also decided to go ahead with the appointment with SIRM so that I can get the rest of my testing done, get some questions answered, then let him know my plan. I just don't feel like I have the whole picture. I hope I do, feeling a bit encouraged by the answer on the SIRM board, but I have learned not to get excited when it comes to me and making a baby.