Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Has it really been 2 weeks?

There are no words to describe my life since June 16th, 2011.  A) I have a son, B) I no longer sleep, C) my life is fully complete, and D) everything I thought I knew or had figured out is now null and void.

We met our caseworker at 4pm on Friday the 16th and she handed James over.  In the hours leading up to the meeting, I started freaking out about everything (I know, a little late).  I had been so obsessed with getting him here, fighting with the state, worrying about Mary and James' potential fathers, that I had not really stopped to think about what we were actually taking on.  Not to say, I hadn't considered the responsibility (heavily), I have twin 1 year-old nephews and I have been heavily involved in their care since the day they were born and I, myself, am the oldest of 4, so I know what it means to care for a baby.  I just started questioning myself and the entire process.  Will he be hooked up to wires? Look crazy?  Be cracked out?  I had not even seen a picture of this 4 month old little miracle, so I started panicing....

...But all of that evaporated when Shelley opened the door of her back seat and there, all diapered and pacified, was sweet Baby James.

Oh my.  It was beyond love at first sight...I knew I already loved him, but...oh my.  The instant I put him in the car seat and our eyes met, he smiled, cooed, and my life was complete. 

What has ensued since then is nothing short of a tornado, a hurricane, an earthquake, and a tsunami, all rolled in to one.  Some good, some bad, some exhausting, some heartbreaking, but all amazing.  He is my everything.  I feel like I can't remember anything prior to June 16th.  Everything I thought I knew about babies, and life, for that matter, are out the window.  I don't know if I'm a good mom or not.  I feed him, I hold him, I change him, I rock him to sleep, I snuggle with him, I comfort him, so I hope I am.  Either way, it's a dream come true.

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement and support.  I feel so blessed.

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